Gabby Fabulous
by jerseygirlinoxford
Summary: Tank and Lula babysit for Gabby while Steph and Ranger head to Boston.
1. Chapter 1

_**Gabby Fabulous**_

By jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

A/N: Yes…this is another Gabby story. This takes place immediately after Viva La Gabby. I just wanted to again say thanks to all of you that have left such wonderful feedback for this series. Gabby is so much fun to write. When she wants to come out and play, the words just seem to magically flow through my fingers and into my computer. Standard disclaimer applies except I own the rights to Gabby which still means I don't make shit off writing this. Hope you enjoy!

**Part One**

Ranger was still in the shower when Stephanie quickly gathered all of Gabby's things. She wanted to drop Gabby off at Tank and Lula's alone, so she could privately warn Lula about curbing her mouth. Stephanie knew it would be hard enough for Lula to watch her language around Gabby. Hell, they all slipped up around her. But with Lula being 8.5 months pregnant, this was going to require an Olympic-sized effort on her part. Stephanie knew how much Tank and Lula loved Gabby, and both were so excited about having one of their own.

"You make sure you are a good girl for Auntie Lula and Uncle Tank, Gabby," Stephanie told her on the drive over. Gabby bobbed her head up and down.

"I will, Mommy," Gabby told her. "I love Auntie Lula and Uncle Tank this much!" She threw her arms wide apart and giggled. Stephanie couldn't help but smile.

"I know you do, Sweet Pea. But, you have to remember that Uncle Tank has…uh…" Stephanie paused to search for the right words.

"A broke ass?" Gabby offered. Stephanie bit her lower lip to stop herself from laughing. "That's what Daddy said." She glanced over at Gabby through the rear view mirror. Her eyes widened in expectation of her answer.

"Something like that," Stephanie finally replied. "Just remember that Daddy doesn't like it when you say ass. Just say that Uncle Tank has a boo-boo. And Auntie Lula gets tired really easy, so you make sure you take good care of her, too." Gabby's face brightened into a carbon copy of her father's 1000 watt smile.

"I promise I'll be the bestest girl and take real good care of Auntie Lula and Uncle Tank," Gabby told her enthusiastically. "Even if Auntie Lula says bad words." Stephanie rolled her eyes. They were going to turn Ranger into a benzo junkie. She needed Ranger to be at 100%. Especially with another baby on the way. They decided to wait till they got back from Boston to tell Gabby that she was pregnant. Then, they would make the announcement to everyone. Although she just hoped for a healthy baby, Stephanie secretly wished this one would be a boy. She didn't think Ranger's sanity could handle another girl.

"I know you will. And when Mommy and Daddy get back tomorrow, we'll all go out for a special dinner! How does that sound?" Gabby clapped her hands.

"Yea! Dinner! And can we get ice cream too?" Stephanie was about to answer when her phone rang. Ranger.

"Here, Gabby….it's Daddy." Gabby took the phone and answered it.

"Hi Daddy! I miss you!"

Ranger smiled. "Hi, Baby Girl. I was just calling to say good bye, and we'll see you tomorrow. Can I talk to Mommy?"

"You can't talk to Mommy 'cause she's driving, and you're not aposta talk on the phone and drive at the same time, Daddy! Duh!" she scolded. Then, she disconnected the line. "That was Daddy. You have to call him back." Again, Stephanie bit back a smile. Ranger hated being hung up on. But, what was he going to do about it? Yell at his daughter? Not!

"I'll call him back after I drop you off. And, here we are!" Stephanie told her as she pulled into their driveway. Tank and Lula hobbled and waddled out on to their front porch.

"It's my Little Bat Girl!" Lula yelled out to Gabby.

"Hi, Auntie Lula!" Gabby squealed and bounced in her booster seat as Stephanie furiously worked to set her free. Once released, Gabby shot out of the SUV and threw herself into Lula's waiting arms. Tank limped over to help Stephanie with Gabby's bags.

"Are you planning on being in Boston for a week?" Tank joked as he looked over all her stuff. Stephanie smirked.

"I've got a few changes of clothes, her Snoopy, her Snoopy blanket, her DVDs, her coloring books and crayons, and this bag has a few snacks." Tank frowned at the huge shopping bag that Stephanie handed him.

"A _few_ snacks? Damn, Bombshell…there's enough snacks for all of Rangeman here!" Tank quipped. Stephanie sighed.

"I don't want either of you having to run out to get her something. There is everything that she likes in there. If I only brought a couple things, she would want the one thing I didn't pack. Then, she would give you the lip, and you would be on your way to the store before you knew what hit you. You know what a good manipulator Gabby is. She's even better at it than _I_ am," she explained. Tank shook his head.

"No wonder you have to drug Ranger all the time, " he muttered. They followed Lula and Gabby inside.

"We're gonna have lots of fun. I'll drawed you some pictures, and we can watch movies, and have snacks….right Auntie Lula?" Gabby told them as she jumped up and down. Lula looked into the gigantic snack bag that Tank was carrying.

"Ooh…thanks White Girl. You brought the _good_ shit!" Gabby gasped and pointed at Lula.

"You said a bad word, Auntie Lula." Lula looked sheepish.

"I'm sorry, Little Bat Girl." She turned to Stephanie. "I'm sorry, White Girl. I know I gotta watch my mouth. I'm really gonna try. I promise." Stephanie gave her a hug.

"I know it's hard. We all forget and say things in front of her. Just…please be extra careful. She's like a DVR…she picks up _everything_ and stores it for later use. She almost killed Ranger with the stuff she heard at the hospital the other day," Stephanie explained. She turned and gave Tank a quick hug. "Okay, Gabby, we'll see you tomorrow. I love you. Be good." Gabby ran to her, and she pulled her into a bear hug.

"I love you, Mommy. Bye-Bye," she replied. She waved Stephanie out of site. Tank held his hands out, and Gabby flung herself towards him. He picked her up gingerly, being mindful of his stitches, and gave her a kiss. She curled her fingers into claws and growled. "I'm a bampire, Uncle Tank. And, I'm gonna shave your pubes!" Tank threw his head back and howled. Lula frowned.

"I don't _thank_ so. He already bald-headed. That fine Mississippi tube snake needs him some bushes." Lula told them absently pointing to Tank's crotch. Tank's and Gabby's eyes widened. Gabby's out of curiosity. Tank's out of utter horror. Lula looked down at her swollen feet. "Shit! I gotta get off these feet. Look at me…I'm swolled like a mother fuck." Gabby gasped.

"Auntie Lula!" she cried. "You said _two_ bad words!" Now, it was Lula that looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Oh shit, Little Bat Girl….I'm sorry!" Lula quickly apologized. "Being all pregnant and swolled makes me say stuff I don't mean to. You're gonna have to help to remind me not to cuss around you." Gabby enthusiastically nodded.

"Okay, Auntie Lula, but you said _shit_ again. And, that's a bad word," Gabby explained.

"Damn!" Lula responded then clapped a hand over her mouth. Gabby looked at Tank and giggled.

"Auntie Lula! You did it _again_!" Gabby rolled her eyes and looked back at Tank. "What are we gonna do with her?" Tank laughed again.

"How about we stuff her mouth with Twinkies?" Tank suggested with a wink. "Then, no bad words can come flying out." Gabby and Lula both clapped.

"Yea! Twinkies! My favorite!" Gabby cheered. Lula led them back in the house.

"You have a seat on the couch, Gabby. I'll get us some chocolate milk," Lula told her.

"Yea! Chocolate milk! My favorite!" Tank sat her down then took the Twinkie box from the grocery bag. He pulled a little serving plate from the hutch.

"You can put the Twinkies here, Little Girl. I'll be right back." As Tank left the room, Lula waddled back in with a tray with two huge glasses of chocolate milk with Crazy Straws.

"Look, Little Bat Girl! I got us some Crazy straws. I got a whole case of 'em real cheap on account of the high lead content and all. Oh…just don't chew on the end of the straw, okay? Lead ain't good for ya. It rots yo teef or somethin' like that." Gabby smiled and nodded. Lula set the tray on the coffee table as Gabby unwrapped all the Twinkies. Lula flopped down on the couch. She set a glass in front of Gabby, then put one in front of herself. Gabby leaned over and took a sip.

"Yum! You make the goodest chocolate milk, Auntie Lula," she told her and handed her a Twinkie. Lula grinned from ear to ear. She loved watching Gabby. The kid was easy to please.

"That's 'cause I don't used that _powdered_ shit like yo momma does. I used the real Hersey's syrup….uh…oops. Sorry, Gabby. I know I fucked up again! Shit…uh…oops!" Lula dropped her head into her hands. Gabby climbed up and gave her a hug.

"It's okay, Auntie Lula. I still love you," she told her. Gabby swung her arms out. "I love you this much!" Lula smiled at the adorable little girl in her arms. She couldn't help the tears in her eyes. They were expecting a boy. But at that moment, Lula almost wished she was having a girl. She couldn't wait to experience the love that Gabby gave them with their own child.

"And I love you too, Little Bat Girl. Just don't go telling yo momma that I slipped up so much."

"Okay," Gabby agreed. They dug into the plate of Twinkies. Gabby sniffed the air and turned to Lula. "Pee-ewe, Auntie Lula. It smells like Uncle Tank is reading his newspaper!" Lula craned her neck towards the hallway and took her own long sniff.

"Damn girl!...I mean I think you right." Lula took a long sip from her chocolate milk while watching the brownish liquid wind its way through the twisted straw.

"Auntie Lula…how come it always smells bad when Uncle Tank reads his newspaper?" Lula shrugged her shoulders as she bit into another Twinkie.

"That's just odor causing bacteria. Uh…here…" Lula reached around behind the couch, pulled out a can of air neutralizing spray, and handed it to Gabby. "Just spray this when he comes out."

"Okay, Auntie Lula." Gabby finished her Twinkie and took a long sip from her chocolate milk. She took the huge, Costco-sized can in one hand, held her nose with the other, and camped out in front of the bathroom door.

A few minutes later, Tank emerged with a folded Trenton Times under his arm. Gabby lurched forward and sprayed Tank in the face. "Take that you odor, cursing blackteria!" Tank cried out in pain as the spray burned his eyes like MACE. The paper gently sailed to the floor as it fanned out all over the hallway. Tank dropped his face into his hands as Gabby continued to spray.

"Oh!" Lula yelled and tried to get herself off the couch. "That's enough, Gabby! You got it all!" Tank sank to his knees hissing in pain. Lula finally rolled herself to the side to get the leverage to stand, and then waddled over to them. "You okay, Tank?"

"Did I get all the blackteria, Uncle Tank?" Tank gave her a confused look through his blood shot eyes.

"I told her that smell was from bacteria. She was only trying to help," Lula explained as she helped him back to his feet. Tank staggered to the sink and rinsed the chemicals out of his eyes. "Damn Little Bat Girl….you got some good aim. Uh..I mean…uh…dang! Hey…you can say _dang_. That gives me a good idea. I ain't allowed to cuss, and you too little to cuss, so I'm gonna teach you how to talk good. Instead of saying _damn_…we can say _dang_. That's not a bad word." Lula smiled proudly.

"Uh…Lula…" Tank stammered, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Dang!" Gabby said trying out her new word. Lula smiled back at her.

"Nah! I think it's a great idea. You go dry yo face and lay down for a while. I'm gonna teach Little Bat Girl here a whole new language!" Lula pushed Tank towards their bedroom. "Hmmmm?" Lula scratched her head. "What word should we work on next?" She took Gabby by the hand and led her back to the couch.

TBC……


	2. Chapter 2

_**Gabby Fabulous**_

By jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

**Part Two**

Lula flopped back down on the couch with Gabby beside her. She ruefully looked down at her swollen feet again. "Damn…uh…dang! I'm swolled up like a mother fuck….oh…I mean…uh…_mofo_. Hey, that's a good one for you to learn. You're not allowed to say mother fucker, but you can say mofo!" Gabby smiled as she sipped her chocolate milk.

"Mofo?" Lula nodded.

"Lula!" Tank barked. Gabby and Lula both jumped in surprise. They thought Tank had gone to bed. "Don't teach her to say that! Ranger will never allow me to see the birth of our son!"

"Hey, Mofo!" Gabby gleefully greeted him with a smile and a wave. Lula just rolled her eyes and smacked her lips.

"Just go lay down. Me and Little Bat Girl are just havin' some fun," Lula insisted. Tank took her crayons and coloring books out and handed them to Gabby.

"Why don't you draw us some pictures, Gabby?" Tank asked. He leaned down and whispered into Lula's ear, "It's much safer. It will keep your baby's daddy alive." Gabby spread out the books on the coffee table next to her chocolate milk.

"Okay, Uncle Tank. Do you want me to drawed a picture of you?" She looked up at him with those huge, chocolate brown eyes expectantly waiting for his answer. Tank limped over and eased himself down next to Lula.

"That would be nice, Gabby. You can draw us some pictures. Do you want to watch cartoons or one of your movies?" Gabby scrunched up her little face in thought.

"Um…can we watch Snow White and the Seven Dorks?" Lula and Tank looked at each other and laughed.

"I think that's Snow White and the Seven _Dwarfs_, Little Bat Girl. _Dah_-warfs…like in midgets," Lula told her. Gabby adamantly shook her head no. She stomped over to her Snoopy bag and searched till she found the DVD.

"This one is more funnier. This is Uncle Lester's one. I gived him my Snow White one. This one gots wrestling, Twister, and lots of prayers!" She held up the DVD for them to see it. It _was_ Snow White and the Seven Dorks. It was one of Lester's porn movies. The XXX cover was adorned with a very scantily clad Snow White surrounded by what looked like seven horny little men. "The Dorks gots little penises." Tank and Lula became a tangle of arms, legs, and Lula's weave as they desperately tried to get off the couch to grab the DVD from Gabby's hands.

Lula got there first. She waddled to the TV. "What are you doing?" Tank huffed as he was out of breath.

"I'm gonna put it in. Little Bat Girl is right. This one is much better," she exclaimed. Tank snatched it back.

"Are you crazy?" he shouted at her. "You _must_ be crazy. It's all those hormones runnin' loose in your body! We are not going to watch _this_ with Gabby." Lula put her hands on her hips, smacked her lips, and started to weave her head side to side.

"Oh no you _didn't_! Now I _know_ you just didn't call me crazy. You think I would show her a porn movie that she ain't already seen? She said this is a good one, and I wanta see it!" Tank closed his eyes and sighed.

"What's the matter, Uncle Tank?" Gabby looked back and forth between them before her bottom lip began to quiver. Her little eyes filled with huge tears that rolled down her cheeks. This snapped them to attention. Lula pulled Gabby into her arms.

"It's okay Gabby," Lula cooed. "Uncle Tank was just bein' a ass…uh…butthole. Maybe we should watch another movie….what else you got?" Her little chest hitched, and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"A b-butthole?" Tank took Gabby into his arms as he glared at Lula.

"Auntie Lula will pick another movie for us to watch," Tank continued as he tried to distract Gabby. "Then, you still have to draw us some pictures. And I'll tell you what…I'll even put your pictures on our refrigerator, and show everyone that comes to our house. How does that sound?" Gabby's face brightened.

"Okay, Uncle Tank. I will drawed you a picture of you and Auntie Lula!" She selected the crayons she wanted to draw her picture. Lula rummaged through Gabby's Snoopy bag for the other DVDs. Lula snorted and turned to Tank.

"I guess she switched a few more of them." She pulled two DVDs out of the bag. "Here is _Sin_derella and the _Loin_ King." Tank dropped his face into his hands. Gabby covered her mouth with her hand and giggled.

"Uncle Lester's movies are the bestest!" Lula found the regular Lady and the Tramp DVD and popped it into the machine.

"Well….I think it's _bestest_ if we just watch this one," Lula told her. She put the porn versions on top of the entertainment center to save them for later viewing. Lula snuggled next to Tank on the couch as she put her feet up. Gabby worked on her drawing as they all watched the movie. It wasn't long before Tank fell asleep.

About half way through the movie, Gabby climbed on to what was left of Lula's lap. "Auntie Lula…look! I drawed you and Uncle Tank!" Lula looked at the anatomically correct stick figures. Gabby had added a belly to Lula's stick torso. Tank had been given a huge, erect penis. "That's you with the baby in your belly, and that's all your hair. You don't gots a 'gina 'cause I don't know how to drawed that yet. But, this is Uncle Tank who gots no hair. And, this is his penis." She smiled triumphantly at Lula who was trying to fight laughing. She had already heard about the artwork hung in Ranger's office, but hadn't gotten a chance to see it. She didn't know what Gabby was talking about when she said '_gina._

"I know all about his penis, but what's a 'gina?" Gabby slapped her crotch.

"This, Auntie Lula. A 'gina. Grandma Mazur teachded me about penises and 'ginas. A boy gots a penis, and girls gots a 'gina." She looked up at Lula and smiled. "I can wipe my own 'gina," she told her proudly. Lula rubbed her back.

"Oh…a _vah_-gina! I thought you was givin' me some sort of crotch rot or somethin'." Lula furrowed her brow. "Yo daddy lets you say _vagina_, but he don't want you saying _shit_ or _ass_?" Gabby shrugged with her palms up. Lula thought for a moment. "Well…if he's okay with you knowin' about penises and vaginas…I guess he'd be okay with you learnin' about balls. Uh….I mean testicles."

"Teslickles?" Lula smirked.

"That's why we just call 'em balls. That's a hard word to say," Lula explained. "Hand me that brown crayon, Little Bat Girl, and I'll show you what I mean." Gabby hopped off the couch to retrieve the crayon, and she handed it to Lula. Lula drew two circles at the base of the erect stick. "See…the balls go with the penis." Gabby giggled.

"Uncle Tank gots _2_ balls? How come?" Lula shrugged.

"Pfft. That's just how it is. We got 2 boobs, 2 hands, 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 feet…" Gabby nodded enthusiastically.

"2 arms and 2 legs….and 2 _balls_!" Lula held up her hand, and Gabby high-fived her. Lula grabbed her stomach.

"God Damn! Quit kickin'!" Gabby's eyes were as wide as saucers, and her chin was practically on the floor. Lula rubbed her belly before looking at Gabby. "Aw…it's okay Little Bat Girl. The baby's just movin' around. Here…feel this." She took Gabby's hand and placed it on the active spot. Gabby let out a little gasp.

"Ewe…Auntie Lula! How come your belly's doin' that?" Lula laughed.

"The baby is movin' all over the place. It's almost time for him to come out, and he getting' restless," Lula explained with a smile. Gabby scrunched up her face.

"How did the baby gets in your belly?" Lula laughed.

"Sex……Sex, sex, and mo sex. Tank shot his…uh…planted his seed in…uh…there, and the baby grew."

"What's sex?" Lula bit her bottom lip.

"Uh…I think you better ask yo daddy to tell you what sex is. I think that's somethin' he'll want to tell you about hisself….okay?" Gabby nodded again.

"Do sex and grow a baby! Yea!" Gabby applauded herself. Then, she gave Lula the finger. "Auntie Lula….look what I can do!" Lula choked on her chocolate milk.

**TBC….**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Gabby Fabulous**_

By jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

**Part Three**

"Dah…uh…dang, girl!" Lula waved her off. "Who taught you that pussy way to give someone the finger?" Gabby smiled as she looked at the raised middle finger on her left hand.

"Uncle Lester teachded me. He did this to the lady who gots a booger at McDonalds before he gots stuck in Mayor McCheese." Lula gave her another dismissive wave.

"No wonder!" Lula huffed. "You can't have a man do a real woman's job. I'll show you the _right_ way to give someone the finger." Lula showed her a few simple finger displays. Gabby happily and enthusiastically copied every single one. "Now…if you _really_ mean business…you gotta give 'em the double fingers." She showed Gabby two middle fingers. Gabby raised both middle fingers. "Then…you gotta stick 'em right in their face and go…._UHN_!" Lula grunted and made a face like she was straining to have a bowel movement.

"_UHN_!" Gabby copied her. Lula nodded.

"That's good…but you gotta make the face, too. Make a face like you pinchin' a loaf or somethin'." Gabby frowned.

"Huh?"

"Oh…like…uh…takin' a…um…doin' number 2."

"You mean like makin' a poopy?" Lula nodded.

"Yeah…that's it. UHN!!!!" They grunted and shot the double fingers at each other a few more times with their game faces in place.

"This is lots of fun, Auntie Lula!" she exclaimed then squealed in a fit of giggles. "Oh…I gots one!" She stuffed her hand into her pocket and pulled it back out with her middle finger raised. Lula screamed with laughter.

"Shit…..uh…fuck…uh…oh my God!" Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Little Bat Girl….dat was da bomb!" The laughter came to a sudden halt, and Lula looked panicked. "Oh shit! I just pissed myself!" Gabby gasped.

"Auntie Lula…you _really_ said a lot of bad words!" Gabby scolded her. Lula struggled to herself off the couch.

"I know, Little Bat Girl….but I had a accident."

"A accident?" Lula shrugged.

"You made me laugh so hard that I pissed in my pants. Hang on. I gotta go change."

"You did _pee-pee_ in your _big-girl_ pants?" Gabby looked horrified. "I'm sorry, Auntie Lula!"

"It ain't yo fault. That's what happens when you pregnant. And, you fart a lot, too. But, I just blame those on him. You just sit with Uncle Tank, and I'll be right back."

"Okay." Gabby climbed back on the couch with the remote in her hand. She settled next to the sleeping Tank and started to flip through the channels. She settled on MTV Classics with a rerun of _Yo MTV Raps_. They featured Snoop Dogg.

After a quick shower and fresh change of clothes, Lula strolled back into the living room. "Hey Little Bat Girl…..how 'bout some lunch?"

"Yea! Lunch!" Gabby cheered. Tank began to stir. "Can we gets McDonalds?"

"That sounds good to me," Lula replied. She gave Tank a shove. "We want McDonalds for lunch." Tank yawned and stretched. He looked down at the smiling little girl in the nook of his arm.

"Hey Mofo!....UNH!" She grunted and gave him the double fingers. Tank gasped and struggled to his feet.

"Lula!" he shouted. "What the hell did you teach her now?" Lula put her hands on her hips and began to weave her head back and forth again.

"I _didn't_ teach her to give the finger. She learned that from the _Porn King_. I just showed her how to be Ghetto Fabulous and do it with class! Oh…wait a minute. Gabby…show Uncle Tank that good one!" Gabby jumped to her feet and placed her hand back in her pocket.

"I gots somethin' for you, Uncle Tank." She pulled out her hand and gave him the finger. Lula howled again. "Be careful, Auntie Lula. Don't do pee-pee again!" Tank dropped his face into his hands again. Ranger was going to kick his ass. He wouldn't wait for him to get the stitches out first. Ranger was going to break his foot off in it stitches or not. This was not good. He would spare Lula only because she was pregnant. If this was anyone else's child, the finger _gift_ would have actually been pretty funny. Gabby had the delivery down pat. "What's wrong, Uncle Tank? How come you all red?"

Tank heavily sighed. He was red because he was about to have a stroke. He could call the Control Room and have someone pick up McDonalds for them. Might as well have one last unhealthy meal before Ranger gets back. Stephanie, on the other hand, would do what she could to save him. He would just pray…and hope that Bobby had enough of a supply of Ranger's happy medicine on hand to keep him alive. He reached for the phone. "Okay ladies….what would you like?"

After lunch, they put Gabby down for a nap. This gave Tank and Lula time to argue. "I don't know why you gettin' so upset for?" Lula whispered. "She's already doin' this shit anyways. I'm just helpin' to clean it up a little. This way she looks classy!"

"Lula, honey, please," Tank begged, "Ranger is going to shit Frisbees. You know how he gets. I want to be there for you and Tank Junior. Just try to talk about other things. _Please_?" Lula pursed her lips.

"Can I still teach her this?" She held up her hand as if to tell him to stop. "Talk to the hand!" She raised her eyebrows while she waited for his answer. Tank dropped his head back against the couch.

"Yeah….that's a safe one. Do stuff like that. Play dress up or something. Hell, I'll even put that damn wig back on and have a tea party. Please, Lula…just keep it clean." Lula grinned back at him.

"You did kinda look sexy in that wig. Even though you had a chair leg hangin' outta yo ass." She yawned and stretched. "I think I'm gonna take a little nap, too. Can you get that trunk of clothes outta the basement for me? I think I got a bunch a kids clothes in there with costumes and shit. Me and Little Bat Girl can do that after our naps." Tank beamed.

"Now you're talkin'. I'll get that while you go lay down for a while. I'll be awake incase Gabby gets up before you do. I'll read her a book, or we'll take a short walk or something." Lula leaned over and gave him a kiss. They both looked down at the little girl curled up against him. "I can't wait to hold our own baby. You're gonna make a fine momma, Lula." Lula's eyes welled up.

"God damn, motha fucka," she sniffled. "You know how to say the nicest things!" She patted his shoulder before waddling off to the bedroom. Tank watched her go.

"Yeah….a fine momma. As long as you keep your mouth shut," he muttered to himself. Lula had a lot of love to give. He found that out first hand. Tank understood Lula. He came from the streets, too. He had the opportunity to clean up his act a long time ago. And with Gabby around Rangeman all the time, he's also had more time to clean up his language. It had only been a few years since Lula decided it was time to turn her own life around. Tank fished around for the remote without waking Gabby and turned on the news.

About an hour and a half later, the phone rang. Even though Tank answered it by the second ring, it still woke Gabby. It was Ranger and Stephanie on the speaker phone at his Boston office.

"Hi Tank," Stephanie said. "We were just calling to check on Gabby. How are things going?"

"Things are fine. Gabby was taking a nap. She just woke up…I'll put her on the phone." Tank handed to phone to Gabby as she yawned. "It's Mommy and Daddy." Gabby smiled and sat up straight.

"Yo Home Boy!" Gabby exclaimed. "Where's my Chilly Home Slice?" There was dead silence on the other end as Ranger and Stephanie frowned at each other before laughing. Tank grimaced. He just hoped she didn't say anything else.

"Gabby!" Stephanie replied. "Where did you hear that?"

"Auntie Lula teachded me to talk good. We're having lots of fun. I drawed pictures, and we saw Lady and the Tramp, and had chocolate milk. The good kind and not that powdered shit like you use, Mommy. Auntie Lula makes the bestest chocolate milk." Tank held his breath.

"Gabby? What did Mommy and I say about that word?" Ranger told her calmly while Stephanie bit he lower lip. "We don't like you to use that word."

"Dang! You right, Mofo. I just forgots," Gabby agreed as Tank grabbed the phone back.

"_What_ did she say?" Ranger demanded as he barked into the phone.

"Uh…she said…uh…Mo at Fo," Tank quickly explained. One of the news stories popped into his head. "We were watching the news report about all those after school programs. _More_ at _Four_. Its nickname is _Mo_ at _Fo_. Gabby kind of got a kick out of that name." Tank held his breath again waiting for Ranger's response. He prayed he bought the More at Four story. So that way, he would still be _Alive_ at _Five_. Fortunately, Ranger was called away from the phone on a business matter.

"That was close," Stephanie told him. "Nice _cover_ story on _Mofo_, Tank." He heard Stephanie snort.

"I'm sorry. Lula's trying _real_ hard. She thought it would be better to say that instead of the real thing. Does Bobby have a good supply of the happy juice?" Tank mentally crossed his fingers.

"Oh yeah," Stephanie assured him. "I have a few vials and syringes hidden in the apartment, and Bobby's got some in the office and the infirmary. We're covered." She sighed into the phone. "So…how bad is it?"

"Let's just say Gabby is learning to be ghetto fabulous." They finished talking and disconnected the call. Tank looked down at the 1000 watt smile.

"Gabby fabalis," she told him. "Fo shizzle!"

**TBC…….**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Gabby Fabulous**_

By jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

**Part Four**

Even though Stephanie assured him they were loaded for bear with the sedative, Tank still had an uneasy feeling. Ranger and Stephanie would be back around dinner time tomorrow. That still left 24 hours of Lula 101. God help him! Tank was brought out of his musings by a gently, but insistent, tapping on his thigh.

"Uncle Tank?" He smiled down at her. "Can I have a snack?" Damn…she ate more than Bombshell!

"What would you like, Miss Gabby?" She hopped off the couch and ran over to the food bag. After a few seconds, she pulled out this gallon size carton of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. She wrapped her arms around the huge box and carried it over to Tank. He placed it on the coffee table. "Let me get you a bowl." He grabbed a bowl from the kitchen and filled it with the little orange fish. "Here you go."

"Thank you, Uncle Tank." She grabbed a little handful and individually placed the fish in a row on the table. Then ate them one by one. "Where's Auntie Lula?"

"She's taking a little nap. Carrying that baby makes her tired." Gabby nodded.

"That's 'cause you shot your sex in there and grew a baby," she explained. She offered him a goldfish. "Auntie Lula told me. And, I gots to feel the baby running around in there!" She rolled her eyes. "It was _really_ weird!" Tank smirked and took the cracker. Then, she scrunched up her little face. "Uncle Tank? How's the baby gonna gets outta there?" Tank almost choked.

"Um…" Think! Think _real_ hard! "I…uh…don't know yet." It was actually an honest answer. There was a slight chance that Lula might need a c-section. So, he really _didn't_ know how the baby was being delivered. She looked disappointed. "That's a question for your Mommy and Daddy. You need to ask how they got you outta your Mom's belly." He was probably going to hell in a hand basket anyway. He might as well get at least one parting shot on the way down. Gabby must have accepted that answer because she smiled back.

"Okay." After she finished the crackers, she began to draw again.

"Gabby," Tank started, "I'm going to get a trunk out of the basement. It's got all kinds of dress up clothes in it. Auntie Lula wants to play dress up with you after she wakes up." Her eyes grew wide, and she began to jump up and down as she clapped.

"Dress up? Yea! My favorite!" He loved her smile and her attitude. It was so infectious. "Are you gonna play dress up with us, Uncle Tank?" Ah…what the hell? Nobody would see him anyway.

"Yeah, Little Girl. I'll play dress up. Be right back." He took his time on the basement stairs. Although his ass was getting better each day, certain movements like sitting, standing, and going up and down stairs were still a bit uncomfortable. The light at the head of the stairs worked, but the light bulb at the back must have burned out. He needed to get his flashlight. Gabby was standing at the top of the stairs. "Gabby? Could you run and get me my big Maglite flashlight? It's under the kitchen sink." Hmmm. Having small kids around could actually pay off! Get them to do the work for you. "Just toss it down here to me."

"Okay, Uncle Tank." He could hear the sounds of little feet running to the kitchen. Then a few seconds later, the little feet were headed back to the stairs. Gabby hit the light switch and cut off the light. Next thing he knew, she blinded him by shining the light in his eyes. "It works, Uncle Tank. Here's your Mad-lite!" She hurled the flashlight at him down into the darkness. It looked like one of those circus flashlights that people would spin around on a rope as it flew through the air before it connected with Tank's forehead. The next few minutes were a slight blur. Tank swore he actually _heard_ circus music and saw stars orbiting his head. The only thing preventing him from falling was the death grip he had on the handrail to the stairs. It was Gabby's little voice that brought him out of his fog. "Oh!" she whined. "Uncle Tank! You didn't catched it. Buttery Fingers!"

"Sorry, Gabby. My fault," Tank replied as he shook the cobwebs out of his head. Yeah, he said to himself, it _was _your fault. You should have just gone upstairs and got the damn thing yourself. You even told her to throw it to you. Dumb ass! He slowly half bent/half squatted to pick the Maglite off the floor. "I got it. Thanks." He staggered in a zigzag pattern to the back of the basement to look for the trunk. Thankfully, it wasn't buried under all the crap they had stored down there. He tucked the trunk under one arm then zigzagged his way back to the stairs.

"Didja gets the dress up box, Uncle Tank?" Gabby was seated on the top step waiting for him.

"Yeah, Little Girl," he told her as he carefully ascended the stairs. Gabby stepped back to allow Tank to enter the hallway. He shut off the flashlight and closed the basement door behind him.

"Whatcha guys doin'?" Lula asked as she came out of the bedroom.

"Uncle Tank gots us the dress up box. Are we really gonna play dress up, Auntie Lula?" Lula pulled Gabby into a hug.

"We sho are! We gonna be Ghetto Fabulous!" Gabby cheered and applauded again.

"Gabby Fabalis!" Lula frowned when she saw Tank's head.

"What the fuck…uh I mean…shit! Why you lookin' like you got someone's _ass_ growin' outta yo head?" Lula put a hand on the side of his face.

"It's nothing. I just tried to catch a flashlight with my face," he muttered. Gabby rolled her eyes.

"I frowed it to him, but he didn't catched it," Gabby explained. "Duh!" Lula put her hands on her hips and just shook her head.

"I'll get some ice for that mother fucker before that ass on yo fo'head keeps growin'." She felt Gabby tapping her leg.

"You said more bad words, Auntie Lula," Gabby sighed. Lula clapped a hand over her mouth. "You're 'aposta say _mofo_."

"God Damn…you right, Little Bat Girl! I did it again. Shit! Uh…I mean shhhh…I…uh…I'm sorry. I can't think of a substitute for shit. You just gonna hafta cut me some slack on that one. Okay? Just don't tell yo momma or daddy on me." Gabby giggled.

"Okay, Auntie Lula." Lula went to the kitchen to get an ice pack for the goose egg-sized hematoma between Tank's eyes.

"Thanks," he told her as he settled back into the chair. Lula opened the trunk, and she and Gabby began to root through the contents. Gabby's eyes sparkled as much as the clothes did. The trunk was full of feathers, sequins, and spandex…in eye catching colors.

"Whoa! Auntie Lula!" She put a red sequined beret on her head and wrapped an orange feathered boa around her neck. "How's this?" Tank peeked an eye out from under his ice pack as Lula smiled.

"_Girrrrl_…you look fine! Lemme get the camera!" Even Tank had to smile. Gabby looked adorable. She was a beautiful child anyway…getting the best features from both her parents. Lula snapped a few pictures while Gabby posed. "That's hot!" Lula licked her finger, touched her butt, and hissed. Of course, Gabby copied her.

"I'm hot!" She handed garments and accessories to Tank and Lula. "Here…you gots to put this on, too!" After getting into gear, Gabby took the camera and captured the moment. Lula had on a nylon yellow shirt with BIG MOMMA in red sequins and a huge felt pimp hat with eagle feathers. Tank had on a pink Dolly Parton wig, a hot pink spandex top, and a black feathered boa.

"Wait…I got an idea," Lula told them as she waddled to the stereo. "We need some music." A few seconds later, the Commodores blasted through the speakers…and the whole house…and possibly the neighborhood. "She's a brick…..howsss!" Lula began to shake her booty as she sang along. Gabby put the camera down and joined her.

"Go Gabby! Go Gabby!" Tank chanted. Gabby loved to dance. She was always shaking her little behind to the music in the Control Room. He took a few more pictures…adding a mental note to delete the ones of him later.

After an hour and a half of vamping, dancing, sashaying, posing, and singing, it was time for dinner. Lula asked Gabby to help Tank put away their costumes while she called and ordered Chinese food. Tank handed the camera to Gabby. "I'll put this stuff away if you'll put this camera on the dock." He knew Stephanie had this same Kodak Easyshare camera, so he knew that Gabby would understand what to do. Actually, it was the gift that Ranger and Stephanie gave all of Rangeman for Christmas last year.

"Okay, Uncle Tank." She ran to the spare room that they used as an office. Gabby put the camera on the dock and pushed the Easyshare button. Also like Steph and Ranger, Tank and Lula had the printer dock connected to their home computer. Unbeknownst to Tank, the pictures of their _photo shoot_ were currently being shared with all of Rangeman. She ran back to the living room and crawled into Tank's lap. Lula flopped next to them and put the TV on while they waited for the food. Ten minutes later, Tank's cell phone buzzed. Gabby ran to grab his phone. It was a picture of him in the pink wig, hot pink top, and feathered boa with Photoshop added graffiti.

"Fuck me!" he growled. Lula smacked him in the back of the head.

"Watch yo God dang mouth, mofo!" Lula scolded. She nodded towards Gabby.

"Me? You, of all people, got to be kiddin' me." He showed Lula the pictures. Gabby craned her neck to get a look.

"That's you, Uncle Tank. You look pretty." He looked down into her smiling face. Then it hit him. Gabby must have downloaded and sent the pictures to everyone…and God. He still hadn't gotten the full wrath of the chair leg in his ass yet. He'd been out on medical leave. Christ. This was all over Rangeman. "What's eff…ay…gee spell?" The door bell rang. Thank God…saved by the Chinese food.

Lula got up to get the food. She came back in with two large bags. "So….do you wanta eat in here or in the kitchen?"

"Here, Auntie Lula! Just like TV dinners!" Lucky for them, Gabby was always willing to try new food. Tank and Gabby told her the names of all the different foods as she tasted them. Shortly after their Chinese feast, Lula made microwave brownies for brownie sundaes. "I'm havin' the bestest time! I love you, Auntie Lula." She gave her a hug and a kiss. Then, she threw her arms around Tank. "And, I love you, Uncle Tank." Both were visible choked up by Gabby's affection. They loved her just as much.

"And we love you too, Little Bat Girl," Lula sniffled. After finding another safe movie to watch, it was soon time for bed. Lula had a daybed set up in the nursery. Gabby had her own room at home, so Lula figured it would be okay for Gabby to stay in there by herself. If Gabby was afraid, she could just sleep with her and Tank. "Will you be okay in here?" Gabby looked around.

"Can I have a night light?" Lula hunted around and came back with the Maglite.

"Will this do?" Gabby smiled and nodded.

"I need a light just in case I gets a'scared," Gabby explained. Lula tucked her in the bed and placed the flashlight next to her pillow.

"Well if you gets a'scared, you come in bed with me and Uncle Tank. Okay?" Gabby nodded. Lula gave her a hug and kiss before turning out the light. "I'll leave the doors open for ya."

"'kay….night, Auntie Lula."

It was almost four in the morning when Gabby woke up. She felt around for the flashlight and switched it on. She ran to the bathroom to make a quick potty trip before sneaking into Tank and Lula's room. Most nights, Gabby slept alone. But if she did wake up in the middle of the night, she would sneak into bed with her mother and father. She shone the flashlight on the bed. Lula was bundled under the covers, and Tank was sprawled out flat on his back on top of the covers. Both were mildly snoring. Gabby climbed on to the bed from the bottom and crawled her way between them. She got half way there and froze. Tank's huge appendage had found its way through the opening of his pajama bottoms.

"Oh no!" Gabby exclaimed. "Miss Pee-Pee's tool snake is tryin' to get outta those bushes!" So, she wacked it with the Maglite. Tank screamed in pain. Lula exploded out of the covers.

"Who dat?" Lula hollered as she flung the covers to the side. Tank was gasping for breath.

"Don't worry, Uncle Tank," Gabby tried to calm him down. "I gots it with the Mad-lite."

"Got what?" Lula demanded.

"My dick," Tank hoarsely forced out between gasps.

"You're aposta say penis, Uncle Tank," Gabby scolded. "Miss Pee-Pee's tool snake was tryin' to gets away from those bushes. Member you said she needed some bushes, Auntie Lula?" Gabby looked back down as Tank tried to cover himself with his hands. "Don't touch it, Uncle Tank! It could bite you! I'll gets it!" Gabby raised the Maglite again to get in another wack, but Lula grabbed the flashlight.

"Oh no! That's no snake, Little Bat Girl. It's okay. We don't want you ffff…uh…messin' up my favorite toy," Lula explained. Gabby frowned.

"But you said…" Lula waved her off.

"Trust me. It's okay. Uh…let's go get Uncle Tank another ice pack." Lula took her by the hand and led her out of the room. She glanced back to see Tank still writhing in pain. Lula _hoped_ Gabby didn't break her favorite toy.

"Auntie Lula? How come Uncle Tank gots a snake in his pants?" Lula put together another Ziploc baggie with ice then wrapped it in a towel. Lula sighed.

"Well to be honest….that wasn't a snake, Gabby. That was Tank's penis." Gabby's eyes grew.

"Whoa! Uncle Tank's penis is way bigger than those 7 Dorks'!" Lula chuckled.

"Yeah…he does have a rhinoceros di…uh…penis. Here…you give this ice pack to Uncle Tank, and I'll go get him some Advil. Oh…let me just put this flashlight away. I don't think we need that anymore." She put the Maglite on top of the refrigerator, and they headed back towards the bedroom.

"Auntie Lula?" Lula looked down at Gabby. "Does my daddy have a rhinonamus penis too?"

"Does yo momma smile a lot?"

"Uh huh." Lula grinned.

"Then, I would bet he does. Now, let's go help Uncle Tank."

**TBC……….**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Gabby Fabulous**_

By jerseygirlinoxford (sue)

**Part Five**

Ranger and Stephanie were able to wrap up business earlier than expected and decided to surprise Gabby by getting home early. Ranger had grumbled all night about Gabby's _mofo_ comment. Stephanie gave a convincing explanation of Tank's story. Ranger bought it…but he wasn't happy about it. "You're going to have to learn to deal with this better," Stephanie told him. "People are going to slip up in front of her. She's going to hear things at the park, the grocery store, and just wait till she starts school. We just need to teach her what's acceptable and what's not." Ranger shot her a sideways glance.

"I don't like my 3.5 year old daughter cursing like a sailor and talking about body parts. I don't understand why _you_ don't have a problem with that." Stephanie rolled her eyes.

"It's all innocent, Ranger. Kids her age are like sponges. They pick everything up. You need to stop focusing on all the minor details….."

"Minor details?" Ranger growled. "_Gabby_ drawing _penises_ is not a minor detail!"

"Kids are curious about everything at that age. Granted, I don't think it's right to _encourage_ her. But, don't make her feel bad because she wants to learn everything either. As her parents, we need to help her learn what's appropriate. If…well, _when_… she uses a word we don't like, we tell her to stop and explain why. I'm not saying I approve of her expanding vocabulary either, but there are better ways to deal with it. Throwing temper tantrums and beating up your men aren't going to fix anything." Ranger sighed.

"You're right, Babe. I'm going to _try_ to deal with it better. But Christ….she's my little girl. The thought of anything…_sexual…_coming out of her mouth…." Ranger trailed off and sighed again. "I don't know…I just lose all control. I just want to _kill_ something." Stephanie sent a text message to Bobby to be on alert.

"Well, let's try not to think about that today. We still have to tell Gabby about the baby. I don't want anything to ruin our special family dinner tonight." Stephanie double checked her purse. Her Taser was there and fully charged. "You know…I've been thinking about maybe us getting take out from Rossini's instead of eating it there. It's still early and will be light enough this time of night, so why don't we have a picnic at the park? I think it will add that special touch. Make it a little more private. What do you think?" And, it was closer to Rangeman for a quicker response. Stephanie held her breath as she waited for Ranger's answer.

"I really like that idea. Tonight, it's all about us, Babe," Ranger agreed as he pulled into Tank and Lula's driveway. Stephanie squeezed Ranger's hand with her left hand and texted the new location to Bobby with her right. They exited the SUV and walked arm in arm to the door.

Stephanie rang the bell. No answer. Then, she knocked. Still no answer. They could hear the TV on. Ranger jimmied the lock and entered the house with his gun drawn. He rounded the corner and stopped short with Stephanie running into his back. Ranger put his gun back in the holster. They found Tank sprawled out on the couch, with Lula on top on him, and Gabby on top of her. All three were out like a light. "Well, she does have a way of wearing her babysitter's out," Stephanie joked. Ranger smirked. He thought back to his own babysitting experience. It wasn't that Gabby was disobedient or outright bratty. It was quite the opposite. She just did everything with gusto and wanted to please everyone so badly that she could be hard to keep up with.

Like everyone else at Rangeman, they had gotten the photos of the dress up session, featuring Tank as Little Kim, through their email. Ranger certainly was going to ride Tank about that one. There still were pictures of him with the glue in his hair and marker on his face floating around at all four Rangeman locations. Ranger noticed the drawings on the coffee table. He cringed when he saw the drawing of Tank and Lula. Stephanie looked over his shoulder. "I guess she got another anatomy lesson while she was here," she whispered as she nodded to the added testicles on Tank's stick figure. Ranger took a couple of deep breaths and slowly blew them out. Gabby knowing about penises was bad enough, now she knew about balls, too. _Shit!_

Stephanie picked up the other drawing which was of her and Ranger. Ranger frowned. "It looks like I have elephantitis of the nuts." It looked like a huge sack of grapes between his stick figured-legs. At least this time, Gabby drew him with a huge penis.

"At least she got the other part right this time," Stephanie added.

"You gots elephant nuts, Daddy?" They turned to see Gabby sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Stephanie walked over with her arms out and picked her up. "Can I have some?"

"Some what, Sweet Pea?" Stephanie asked her as Gabby smacked on her lips with a loud kiss.

"Elephant nuts! Can I have some?" Stephanie hugged her.

"No Gabby, Daddy doesn't have any nuts. I missed you," Stephanie explained with a chuckle. Gabby never missed a thing.

"I love you, Mommy! I missed you this much!" Gabby spread her arms wide before she lunged towards Ranger. He took her and lifted her over his head. The high pitched squeal of laughter woke up Lula and Tank. "I missed you, too, Daddy. I love you." She grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him.

"I love you, Gabby," he replied. Okay, he was a sap. Looking into those huge brown eyes and that amazing smile when she tells him that she loves him always turned him into a wuss. Of course, he would never admit that to anyone. He did have an image to protect.

"Hey," Lula said as she stretched. "You're back early. How was your trip?"

"Good," Stephanie answered. Ranger looked at Tank and squinted as he examined the planet that was now in orbit on Tank's forehead. "What the hell is that?"

"Daddy…you said a bad word," Gabby reminded him. As Ranger leaned forward to get a better look, Gabby started to explain. "I frowed Uncle Tank his Mad-light, but he didn't catched it. He gots the dress up box for us." Ranger smirked at the memory of Tank's picture.

"Loved the new uniform," Ranger joked. Tank groaned. "Pink is definitely your color."

"Didn't Uncle Tank looked pretty, Daddy? What does eff…ay…gee spell?" This time, Ranger couldn't help but laugh. Tank _did_ look like a fag. He just didn't want Gabby to know that. Stephanie broke in to distract Gabby.

"So? Were you a good girl for Uncle Tank and Auntie Lula? Did you have a good time?" she asked. Gabby smiled and bobbed her head up and down.

"We had the bestest time, Mommy! We eated Chimese food last night, and it was really good!" Stephanie sat down in the chair and pulled Gabby into her lap.

"Oh yeah? What did you have?" Stephanie inquired.

"One dumb fuck….right Auntie Lula?" Lula's and Tank's eyes widened as Ranger's back stiffened. Lula looked around at all the faces that gaped at her.

"Oh…uh…no! It was…uh…won ton soup, egg rolls, fried rice, and…uh…the poo poo platter, and General Tso's chicken," Lula stammered.

"But that's what you said to the little Chimese man that bringed our food!" Gabby insisted looking confused. Tank grimaced. Lula looked relieved.

"Oh no, Little Bat Girl. That muth….uh…_man_ was trying to short change me. That's just what I called him. Think of _that_ as a nickname…that wasn't our food," Lula explained. She looked at Stephanie and shrugged. "I didn't think she could hear me." Gabby rubbed Stephanie's arm.

"It was really good, Mommy. Then, Auntie Lula made us brownies." Stephanie smiled.

"I'm glad you had such a good time. Why don't you get your stuff together because Daddy and I are going to take you out for dinner, okay?" Gabby hopped off her lap and began to collect her crayons, Snoopy, and DVDs. "We really appreciate you watching Gabby for us. I hope she wasn't too much trouble." Lula waved her off and struggled to stand up.

"We loved havin' her here. We did have a few…uh…minor exposures, but we can talk about that later," Lula replied. Ranger counted to one hundred. He was really trying to remain calm. Gabby finished putting her things in her Snoopy bag. She gave Tank and Lula their picture, then took the new picture of Stephanie and Ranger over to her father.

"See Daddy? I drawed you a new picture. I gived you tes..teslick..els." She paused and blew out a breath in frustration. "That's why we just call 'em balls 'cause tes-lickles is hard to say. You're aposta have 2 balls, but the Merrily Men always says that you gots alotta balls, so I gived you this many," she explained as she put up her left hand with her fingers splayed to indicate five. "And, I gived you a rhinonamus penis like Uncle Tank 'cause Mommy smiles a lot." The vein in Ranger's neck began to distend as his jaw tightened. Tank cringed. He thought about all the good times with his rhinonamus penis that he used to have. Between what Gabby did and what Ranger was about to do….the word eunuch came to mind. He pulled a pillow over his crotch. Lula snapped to action.

"Oh…I think you need to take a look at these," she said as she reached for the DVDs on top of the entertainment center. "Snow White and the Seven Dorks….Sinderella, and the Loin King. Seems Gabby traded her movies with Lester's." Seeing the smoke pouring out of Ranger's ears, Lula wanted to pat herself on the back. Good, she took the heat off her man and put it on to Lester. There was no way anyone was going to injure her man any further. Not even Ranger.

"Uncle Lester's movies are more funnier," Gabby added. Lula started to hand the DVDs to Stephanie but took back Snow White.

"I think I'll just keep this. Gabby said it was a goodt one." Lula put it back on the shelf. Stephanie noticed Ranger's posture. Lester and his porn collection around Gabby was a sore spot with him.

"Did Lester give these to you?" Ranger demanded. His tone was a lot more harsh than he intended. Gabby's lower lip began to quiver. Shit! He didn't mean to upset her. She dropped her head and began to cry. Stephanie picked her up as she gave Ranger a nasty look.

"It's okay, Sweet Pea. Daddy's not mad at you. Just tell me how you got those movies," Stephanie cooed. Ranger's shoulders slumped as he knelt down in front of them.

"I'm sorry, Gabby. I'm not mad at you. You know I love you," Ranger told her softly.

"Then you don't need to be yellin' at her like that. She just a baby," Lula scolded. Tank's head snapped towards Lula with a deer in the headlights expression. He couldn't believe that Lula had just spoken to Ranger like that. Now he was sure Miss Pee-Pee's tool snake would be shipped to some third world country.

"I just taked them from Uncle Lester, but I _gived_ him mine!" Gabby urgently explained. Stephanie covered her mouth and snorted.

"I don't think this is funny, Babe," Ranger warned. Stephanie just shook her head.

"No…it's not," she snorted again. "But Lester just gave his…uh…movies to his cousin for a bachelor party. They rented a cabin in the Poconos to have a _guys'_ weekend. I'm sure they'll _love_ Gabby's movies." Lula, Tank, and Stephanie burst out laughing. It took a few minutes, but Ranger joined them. Besides, he could just kick Lester's ass when he got back. He reminded himself that they still had their special announcement to make to Gabby later. Yeah…that's the ticket. Push the crap aside tonight…and just kill someone tomorrow, Ranger mused. Hmmm…this might actually work.

Before anything else could go wrong, Stephanie stood up and grabbed Gabby's bag. "Let's get going. Give Auntie Lula and Uncle Tank a kiss and hug goodbye." She put a hand on Ranger's shoulder and kissed his cheek. Gabby gave each of them big hugs and kisses goodbye.

"I love you Auntie Lula and Uncle Tank. Peace out!" She flashed a gang sign. Ranger looked to Tank for an explanation. Tank froze.

"Uh…that...they…um…they did a thing on gangs on the news, too, Boss. Sorry," Tank stammered. Everyone turned to Ranger to see if he accepted that excuse.

"Fo shizzle, my nizzle!" Gabby exclaimed. Stephanie sent another text to Bobby.

"If we leave now, we can beat the dinner crowd at Rossini's. That way we can make it an early night. I think it's been a long day for _all_ of us," Stephanie said as she took Ranger by the hand. "We're going to get our food to go and have a picnic at the park. Won't you like that, Gabby?"

"Yea! Rossamimi's! My favorite! Can we feed the ducks, too?"

"I think the ducks are all in Vinnie's office," Lula muttered. Thankfully, Gabby didn't catch that remark.

"I like picmics. Can we get dessert, too?" Ranger grabbed her bag and took Gabby by the hand. Stephanie herded both of them towards the door.

"Thanks again. I'll call you later," Stephanie told them as they left. They got Gabby in her car seat and headed to the restaurant. Lula and Tank both sighed as they flopped back down on the couch.

"I love you, Lula," Tank told her as he took her hand. "I just wanted to make sure you know that. I don't know how much longer I have to live." Lula just smacked her lips.

"You can't get away from me that easy, mutha fucka. Don't worry. White Girl's gonna stun his ass, and then Bobby will give him the juice. Then, we ain't got nothin' to worry about. Batman ain't gonna remember a thing!" She took his massive hand in hers. "When are you men gonna learn that us women got it goin' on?" Tank leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"Like I said before, you're gonna make a fine momma."

"You God damn right I am!"

Rossini's wasn't crowded, and Stephanie quickly placed their order. While they were waiting for their food, Gabby began to dance and sing. "Baum chicka wow wow." She was grinding and rotating her hips like a stripper as her little hands roamed her body. Before Ranger could get a load of Gabby's performance, Steph grabbed her by the hand.

"Let's go to the Lady's Room, Sweet Pea." She gave Ranger a quick peck on the cheek. "I should have taken her before we left. We'll be right back." Ranger nodded as she led Gabby to the bathroom. By the time they got back, Ranger had two large shopping bags of their wonderfully smelling dinner.

The park was deserted and quiet. Stephanie picked the spot right next to the large pond. There were no ducks in sight. Maybe they were in Vinnie's office? Dinner was less eventful. Lucky for them, Gabby had Stephanie's love of food. She didn't do much talking when she ate…like her mother. There were a few smacking of the lips, a talk to the hand, and a neck roll during the light dinner conversation. Nothing to put Ranger over the edge. They were actually having a good time. Ranger seemed to relax. Stephanie and Ranger decided to tell Gabby right before they ate dessert. Stephanie set out a fruit cup for Ranger and Tiramisu for her and Gabby. Ranger took Stephanie's hand and nodded for her to start.

"Gabby," she began, "Daddy and I have some wonderful news to share with you." Gabby's eyes widened.

"Like a surprise?" They nodded. Gabby put her hand in her pocket. "I gots a surprise for you, too. Look!" She pulled out her hand and gave them the finger. Ranger's jaw dropped, and Stephanie bit her lower lip as Gabby giggled.

"Gabby? What did I tell you about doing that? That's not nice," Stephanie gently explained. Gabby looked dejected.

"But Auntie Lula said it was more better than Uncle Lester's pussy fingers!" she insisted. Stephanie felt Ranger's grip tighten. He opened his mouth to say something but Stephanie continued.

"We'll talk about that at home," she told them. "Do you remember when I went to the doctor last week?" Gabby nodded.

"Uh huh. You had a pointment with the gina-colalogist." Ranger winced as if reacting to fingernails on a chalkboard. Stephanie smiled.

"Yep…that's the one. Well, he told me that I'm going to have a baby." Gabby gasped as she stood up on the bench to the picnic table.

"Oh…Em…Gee! Daddy…you shot your sex in Mommy, and now she's gonna grow a baby in her belly!" Gabby shouted as she pointed her finger at Ranger. "Dang! Now she's gonna swoll up like a mofo. Then she's gonna piss and fart and go crazy with homos!" Gabby looked totally panicked. This was definitely not the reaction they expected. Ranger's self control was gone. His daughter was cursing, drawing anatomical pictures, stealing, and watching porn. It was bad enough that she knew about all the…_parts_! But now, she knew how they _worked,_ too! Damn it all to hell! That was it. He had to kill somebody. He jumped up from the table and headed for the SUV.

Stephanie reached in her bag and hit the panic button. Gabby began to cry so she scooped her into her arms. "Ranger!" He didn't turn around. "Ricardo Carlos Manoso! You get back here this second and comfort your daughter! Don't you see how bad you upset her?" Stephanie knew that wasn't really fair, but hell, she knew it would work. It did. Even when Ranger lost all self control, just knowing that his daughter needed him always became priority number one. He only got about fifteen feet from the picnic table before he stopped. She watched as he put his hands on his hips and drop his head. Bingo! She nailed him!

Damn! He threw another temper tantrum and made his little girl cry. And, he just walked out on what was supposed to be a special family moment. What the hell was the matter with him? He remained calm and in total control in the worst of combat, but lost all sense of reason because a three and a half year old girl just called him on having sex with his wife! Go back there, Manoso, he told himself. Go back there and calm your baby girl down. You can kill tomorrow. Who would you kill? Tank was going to be a father any day. He couldn't kill Tank…at least not now. Lester! Yeah, he could kill Lester for the porn movies. Okay…deep breaths. Calm down. Kill tomorrow. Ranger took one last deep breath, slowly blew it out, then returned to their table and sat down. "I'm sorry, Gabby. I….." BZZT! Ranger fell face down into his fruit cup. Stephanie put her Taser back in her bag.

Stephanie sat Gabby back in her seat. She wiped the tears from her face. Gabby's chest hitched a few more times. "Is Daddy gonna sleep like that?" Stephanie nodded.

"Daddy was really tired, Sweet Pea. We had a long drive today. That's why he was a little cranky. You know Daddy loves you very much. Why don't we eat dessert, and then we can take Daddy home and put him to bed?" Gabby bobbed her head up and down.

"Yea! Dessert! My favorite!" Gabby dug in to her Tiramisu. "How come Daddy falls asleep a lot?" Stephanie just smiled as she tasted her own dessert.

"He works too much. He'll be okay." She texted Bobby again. He responded that his ETA was five minutes.

"Are you really gonna have a baby like Auntie Lula?"

"Yes…but it's a good thing, Sweet Pea. You'll have a little brother or little sister. Won't that be nice?" Gabby nodded again.

"But…how's the baby gonna get outta of your belly?" Ranger began to groan. He started to lift his head, but Stephanie zapped him again.

"I think that's a good question to ask your father later. Let's finish up dessert." A few minutes later, Bobby and Ram arrived. "Hey Mofo!" Bobby grinned.

"I'm thinking a double dose?" he joked. Stephanie rolled her eyes. He gave Ranger the injection.

"Uncle Bobby! Daddy shot his sex in Mommy, and she's gonna have a baby. That's why Daddy's so tired," Gabby told him. Bobby and Ram howled. Bobby pulled Stephanie into a hug.

"Congratulations! I guess he _will_ need a second dose later." Bobby and Ram each got under Ranger's arms and picked him up. Ranger had a kiwi stuck to his cheek. "We'll put him in bed, then I'll give him the second dose. I gotta hurry. I just got a text from Lester. Seems his friends are hunting him down over some Disney movies or something." Stephanie snorted.

"I'll give you all the details later. But Gabby learned a lot from Auntie Lula over the past 24 hours. Didn't you, Gabby?" Gabby shot Bobby and Ram the double fingers. She had given it all she got…adding the bowel movement face strain and the accompanying grunt. Bobby and Ram laughed so hard that they lost their grip on Ranger, and he dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. After a few moments, they collected themselves, and picked up Ranger again. The kiwi had fallen, but it had been replaced with a smudge of dog poo.

"Maybe a triple dose in this case, but we'll have to monitor his breathing." Smiling the whole time, Bobby and Ram carried Ranger out to their SUV. Stephanie repackaged the leftovers, and led Gabby to their truck.

"Mommy?" Stephanie finished buckling her in the booster seat.

"Yeah, Sweet Pea?"

"If you have a baby boy…will he have a rhinonamus penis and alotta balls like Daddy?" Stephanie smirked.

"He can only hope." She kissed Gabby on the forehead. "I love you, Gabby." Gabby grabbed her face and smacked on her lips.

"I love you, too, my Chilly Home Slice!" Stephanie thought for a moment.

"When we get home, I want you to tell and show me _everything_ you learned from Auntie Lula…okay?" She would need to try to reprogram Gabby before Ranger came out of his coma. God…she hoped this baby was a boy. If they had another Gabby, Ranger would be committed to a mental hospital…or wind up in jail. She glanced down her smiling little girl.

"Auntie Lula teached me to be Gabby Fabalis!"

The End…..for now!


End file.
